28-02-2022 - Sam Kiani - 0 comments
Being SEEN and Secrets of Self Confidence

This is the moment I met and had a great conversation with the great John Gray, author of many books including Beyond Mars and Venus, one of the best on relationships in todays world. I felt confident and comfortable in my own skin, but it hasn't always been this way.

Today I reveal the secrets of SELF CONFIDENCE thanks to my own journey.

For example, in my life I made great strides in my early career but in my 30s I got divorced, I closed a business down that I started and later suffered so badly from imposter syndrome I quit a fantastic job.

I became invisible. I stopped speaking up, and got into a pattern of keeping my head down. Making myself less. My self-talk was 'I just have to get through today'.  I felt increasingly unhappy and less confident.

I know how common this is. It really is no way to live. Life is short.  We WILL die. Every day matters. So, I set about figuring out how to gain my self-confidence back and today I share these insights with you.

These steps below continue to be my daily practice:

1.     RECLAIM CONFIDENCE BY DOING.  Do a little something that scares you EVERY DAY   Fear if we are not in physical danger, is just the signal that this thing is important to us.

2.    FORGIVE yourself. Forgive others. Move on. Keep going forward. If you need help, see my blog post on this topic.

Also for incredible inspiration on this point watch @garyvee video called "Watch this before you make another decision". 

3.    APPRECIATION mindset - our brains are wired for survival so we can easily get stuck in 'threat/fear' mode. Instead open your mind and find 3 things around you that you can focus on and generate a feeling of appreciation for in your body:

  • When you first wake up
  • In your day before lunch
  • Savoring each meal that you eat
  • At the end of the day as you begin to go to sleep

4.      Consciously CHOOSE HOW YOU SHOW UP - today I choose to be confident.  The secret is, how we show up is always a choice, it's just not always a choice we are aware we are making. When you actively choose how you show up, you own it and this becomes a positive spiral of reinforcement.  The more confident you feel, the more confident you are which gives you more reason to feel confident. 

5.    CONNECT with others. Everyone around you benefits when you are being your full self. No hiding allowed. Honestly is the discomfort of being seen as bad as that awful feeling of 'I just have to get through today'? Nope - being seen, feeling a little bit uncomfortable, growing out of stuck feels so much better.

6.    CONTRIBUTION is one of the six human needs we all have that we need to meet to feel happy, confident and satisfied in life. 

  • Feeling like we are part of something bigger than ourselves
  • Contributing to society in some way.
  • Find ways that resonate with you that enable you to connect with others and contribute something.
  • Tiny every-day contributions are perhaps more important in confidence building than big things every now and then.

If you're playing small, not speaking up and hiding like I was, this is why you probably don't feel good and feel your self-confidence draining away.

I really hope this helps - drop me a comment and let me know what's going on for you and confidence and any tips you have.


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Here I walk you through step by step many useful and practical techniques for emotional intelligence and how to make friends with your mind.

And provide you with other resources that may help you grow including meditation and more.

Release Fear

Meditation to Release Fear

15 min guided meditation set to soft music to help you calm, soothe and release fear.

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