That crawling, uncomfortable feeling of self-doubt. Yuk. If we don’t have self-belief, we don’t trust or respect ourself, it can feel like an impossible situation to rectify.
We often forget to zoom out. When we do, in this case we might consider how we come to trust in others, how we believe in others and respect them. This helps us get unstuck and find our path forward.
Trust is built over time, through Reliability, Consistency and a feeling of intimacy with the other person. By intimacy I mean connection, knowing someone beyond the superficial, knowing their motivations, hopes and dreams and fears.
It is true that once broken, Trust is harder to repair than build in the first place. The wrong has to be acknowledged and forgiven, processes which often take a little time and soul searching. Yet trust absolutely can be restored and in fact deepened in situations like this.
So how do we end up not trusting ourself?
Let me ask you, would you trust someone who didn’t listen to your needs? Who ignored what you wanted and forced you to do something else?
Would you trust someone who said one thing and did something else? Repeatedly broke promises?
“No” I’m sure you say.
Yet we do this to ourself all the time.
Our body yearns for movement and yet we say sat behind our desk. We feel so very tired but instead of answering the call to rest we zone out in zombie mode in a Netflix binge or Instagram scroll hole. We know we need to eat fresh clean real food and yet grabbing those instant snacks or takeout is so much easier.
Stop! I can feel you about to beat yourself up! Ahhh why do I do this to myself?! I’m so useless!
Please, please, recognise we do this because we are so depleted. We are suffering and we are seeking comfort. We don’t need yet another kick up the ass. What we need is compassion: understanding and loving care.
Much as the steps to rebuilding self-trust are simple, they aren’t easy.
Getting 6 pack abs are equally simple: just eat chicken or tuna and broccoli for every meal for 6 months and exercise on a regular. Not easy at all!!
So, what are the steps to rebuilding self-trust?
Step 1: Listen to your needs
Step 2: Honour your needs
Step 3: Treat yourself – care for and talk to yourself like you would your child or pet.
Step 4: Get to know yourself – your hopes, your dreams, your fears. Honour your own need for growth.
Not easy and I’m not suggesting that it’s possible to be 100% perfect – but you we do need to be consistent and do our best. Slack off and trust is eroded, we are not taking ourself seriously and trust is eroded.
The big win in rebuilding self-trust is that there is a ripple effect, a positive spiral that is created. By honouring our needs, treating ourself with respect we do things that signal worth to our inner being. We start to feel worthy, building not just self-trust but also self-esteem and self-respect.
Why self-esteem and self-respect? Because to have self-respect, we have to respect the things we are doing. Observing ourself in the 3rd person, we have respect for the way we choose to show up and carry ourself through life, the way we tackle the challenges of life.
When we respect someone, we hold them in esteem. We value them. It works the same with self-esteem. We start to feel our value.
This path may not be easy. But be honest – aren’t you putting in work to beat yourself up and treat yourself so badly?
Why not invest the same effort in building yourself up? The reward is liberation. peace of mind, freedom, deep lasting happiness…nothing less than joy.
How much do you want to be free? Only you can walk the path for you.
Here I walk you through step by step many useful and practical techniques for emotional intelligence and how to make friends with your mind.
And provide you with other resources that may help you grow including meditation and more.
15 min guided meditation set to soft music to help you calm, soothe and release fear.