03-08-2023 - Samantha Kiani - 0 comments
Why is change so damn hard?!

Humans struggle so much with change because we want to avoid uncertainty. Of course some of us are wired to seek out new and unknown experiences far more than others, but still ‘too much' uncertainty and we start to struggle.

He may be controversial, but Tony Robbins made a great contribution to coaching and psychology when he took Maslow's hierarchy of needs and adapted it into The Six Human Needs, described as a set of polarities. This is genius because this is how it really is in life. Our needs ebb and flow depending on the circumstances of our life.

Let me tell you a quick story about a friend of mine. He was married with 3 children, with a lovely family house. His work required him to travel a lot and he loved it. Loads of certainty, balanced by the variety of working in different countries.

Sadly his marriage broke down and his wife and children moved to another country far away. He was now single, in a rented flat, still doing the same work and travelling a lot. A big shift, not much certainty, in fact every aspect of his life was open to change. Rent, contract work, single, no family commitments.

Suddenly the work he loved, travelling so much, taking contracts became something he hated. He craved stability, certainty.

This is a great example of how our needs shift and change as the circumstances of our life change.

We need both certainty and uncertainty, or variety. Too much certainty and we crave the freedom of variety. Too much variety or uncertainty and we crave the stability of certainty.

The six human needs:

In fact, every time we go through a change, big or small, research shows us we follow a similar pattern each time.

What's important to recognise about the curve, is that it's non-linear. We don't tend to go through this smoothly right to left. Particularly with big, sudden, unexpected changes, we can go on a roller coaster ride two steps forward, one step back.


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